Taking Risks

Nathan was just offered a full-time job as a line cook for the Opryland Hotel in Nashville -- not at all far from his apartment.
I am sooo so excited for him.  He's been looking for a way out of Kroger for quite some time now, and this news came like an answer to many prayers.  It meant Nathan was finally going to get some experience in his field.  As Opryland shamelessly told him, "Burger King isn't really impressive experience."

When he called to give me the news, he was completely blown away with excitement.  I could hear it in his voice, and I was thrilled to death for him.  This was exactly what he needed.

But, of course, there's always a catch.

Opryland isn't like Kroger.  They don't play games.  They're real serious.  And this is a full-time job with benefits.  This means he will be working 32 hours (minimum) per week.  This means they can't guarantee him weekends or holidays off (actually, they certainly can't guarantee holidays off, as I'm sure that's their busy season, being a hotel).  Working at Opryland also means taking a $3/hour pay cut, which also means that he can't afford to come back to Columbia to visit as often.

Nathan has lived in Nashville since he started the school year, and we've gotten used to only seeing each other on the weekends.  Now our time together will be cut even shorter.  Am I happy about that?  No.  I'm going to miss the heck out of that kid.

But I know he needs this.  He needs this experience to boost his career.  And I know he wants this.  He wants so bad to provide for the family we both want to have someday.  He wants to build a life for the two of us and our future children, and that's a beautiful thing to have someone want to do for you.  And if that means taking some risks?  Even if that means taking some distance, never take for granted a man who wants what is best for you.

I still can't believe it's all happening.  It really all just seems kind of crazy.  I'm engaged to the man of my dreams, and now I have to accept not seeing him for weeks at a time.  It has been QUITE an emotional roller coaster (and I'm sure it isn't over yet), but writing it all out like this makes it easier for me to process, easier to handle.  And it's so wonderful to know that we have the love and support of so many friends.

So... what to do with that void in my weekend he used to fill?  No worries.  I've got a lot of work to do, becoming Mrs. Right.

Overcoming Fear

Anyone who knows me even remotely well would be shocked to know that now, 2 ½ weeks after the proposal, is the first time it has occurred to me to be afraid.  I’ve been so busy being excited, looking at bridesmaid dresses, admiring my ring, wondering who I’ll select as my maid of honor – that the reality of it really hadn’t sunk in.

My sister, Sara, had put this video/slideshow thing together for an assignment, and I was watching it last night.  I had watched it before but somehow it was different this time.  There was something absurd about it all, and I really couldn’t pinpoint what it was until I watched the last video clip in the sequence. 




Then I realized why it was all so bizarre.  I remembered that clip.  It wasn’t just that the video was familiar either.  I remembered filming it.  I remember learning those songs off of a computer program – maybe Jump Start Preschool?  And I remember having my dad record Sara and I singing them together.  And that’s really eerie to remember.  I remember being four years old vividly.  I can even remember some of the thoughts I had at that age, on specific occasions – maybe that’s just a girl thing, I don’t know.  I remember standing on a stool to reach the bathroom sink and just barely being able to see my chubby face in the mirror.  Now I look in the mirror and it’s like I’m not even that same person anymore.

It feels like I’ve just been thrown into this new surreal life, right in the middle of everything.  For some reason, it doesn’t feel like I’ve been here all along.  That probably doesn’t make sense.
I first recall starting to feel this way the moment Nathan proposed.  He was staring at me with this ring in his hand, and I honestly didn’t know what to do.  All of a sudden, everything had changed.  It was as though God had plucked me from all of my familiar surroundings and dropped me in this foreign setting where a man who adored me was asking to be with me forever. 

Everything had changed.  My relationship with Nathan was forever changed somehow.  Everything is different and I’m not sure how or why, but it is.  It’s not necessarily a good different or a bad different, but it is worth noting that it is very much not the same.  Now, for whatever reason, it’s acceptable to publicly discuss what we might name future children or when to visit out-of-state relatives.  My family seems more accepting of his being around “since he’s going to be family, after all.”  My to-do list has grown a mile-and-a-half long, and out of nowhere, I have no spending money.  And it’s odd.  I always assumed that I would have to ditch my spendthrift habits when I got married, but I forgot that you have to save money before that too or you can’t afford to get married in the first place!  So, from this point on, I will likely not ever have money again until Nathan and I can retire!

So, yes, I’m scared out of my mind.  I don’t know where the years have gone (although I can account for several of them), and I’ve always relied on some amount of consistency to stay sane and…well…everything kind of changed at once, which means I can’t come up with much that has stayed consistent.  I’ve been subconsciously freaking out about this to the point that when I tried to describe this concept to a friend of mine, it came across that I was basically doubting the entire Plan God had for me – like maybe I thought I was just making stuff up, or missing His messages, or not doing it good enough – and it was overwhelming.

But yes, I’m attributing all that Spiritual confusion to the overall confusion my everything has gone through since this proposal.

I don’t want this to come across like I regret accepting the proposal.  This is something he and I have both been praying about for a really long time, and I can list a number of logical reasons why he should be my husband and the father of my future children.  So that there is no misunderstanding, I am blessed to be able to spend the rest of my life with Nathan.

So…what now?

Well, I’m focusing on becoming Mrs. Right.  And because I hate change so very much, that’s going to be a lot harder for me than I anticipated when I started this blog.  So, I’m going to start it slow.

Step 1: Overcoming Fear

The Bible tells us “Be not afraid,” and that’s actually one of the things I’m worst at.  I’m a “worry wart” – ask anyone.  But when we trust in the Lord, there is no reason to fear.  If the Good Lord brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

And that’s what I’m working on.  By rooting myself more firmly in my Faith, I’m hoping God will pull me through this haze and prepare Nathan and me for a life that will glorify Him.

Stay tuned.

Engagement Ring!!!

  I finally got my ring back today.  You know, I waited 3 years for that ring and considered myself a pretty patient person, but once the ring's been on my finger??  Oh no, Kay Jeweler's needed to get me that thing back ASAP because I was missing it like CRAZY!!  I was bugging Nathan at least once a day: "It's my ring and I want it NOW!!"

Well, I got it back today, and I am a very happy camper!

Then there was this whole other issue to resolve called, "what to do with my purity ring"...
"Are you going to wear them together?" people asked.
To be honest, I was a little worried about it looking funny because the purity ring is sterling silver and the engagement ring is white gold and the purity ring looks so humble next to it.

And that's when it hit me that my purity ring SHOULD look humble next to my engagement ring.  Purity isn't something flashy that's used to capture everybody's attention.  It's this great little secret I've kept for years, waiting for the man I would one day call my husband.  Well, I've found him, but we've still got some waiting left to do.
A couple people have suggested I move the purity ring to my other hand to "make room" for the engagement ring -- but see, that's not how it works.  No, that purity ring is hanging around for another three years.
Nathan and I have both been waiting and saving ourselves for that one person we would spend the rest of our lives with.  And I am so excited about that.

And you know what else?  I think my engagement ring and my purity ring look quite charming next to each other.


Wait for Me -- Rebecca St. James

One week ago, today, I got engaged to the man I could not have hand-picked for myself -- because even I don't know myself THAT good.  I know it's a cliche, but this match had to be made in Heaven -- except it was technically made by my brother.  My brother Joe was getting ready for his senior prom, and his best friend Nathan didn't have a date.  He says, "Take my sister!"
WHAT A GOOD BROTHER!

We figured we'd just go as friends (and I was really kinda expecting it to be a little awkward) and that would be the end of it -- but this was no one night stand.  We really hit it off!
Well, I was 15 and 18, and my brilliant father saw the red flags on that one and made us wait the four months until I turned 16.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think any guy would wait around for me that long.
But he did.  A week after my birthday, he gathered up the courage to ask my dad for permission to go out with me.

A wonderful 3 years later (exactly!) he takes me up to a secluded hill at Maury County Park.

**FLASHBACK**
Well, one day (like a year ago) he had taken me up to this same secluded hill in the park and we had a picnic and danced under the sunset and it was sooo romantic (had my little chick flick moment!!)
**END FLASHBACK**

Well  he took me back up there (even though it was muddy from the rain) and he had put together this slideshow of every picture we've ever taken together, and he set it to the music of "All My Life" which is the first song we danced to at his Senior prom, the night that changed everything, and he had the words to Beauty and the Beast, scrolling across, and while I'm watching this he's crouched down on one knee....
and then he's all like, "There's a reason I wanted to come to the park. It had to be here. This is where we started over. Erin, I love you so much. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you." And then he pops out this ring and he's all like, "Will you marry me?"
and there were these people parked like a football field away applauding us, and they congratulated us and hugged me and they're like complete strangers but it was REALLY REALLY COOL!!!

We want to wait until we're both finished with school to actually seal the deal, but that has me really excited -- let me tell you why!

He proposes after 3 years.  3 years later we'll actually get married.
And that gives me time to become the best possible version of myself -- because he deserves nothing less.
Thus this blog: becoming Mrs. Right.
Follow me on my journey over the next three years as I try my hardest to become a woman worthy of his dreams since he's already fulfilled mine.