"What are your plans after school?"
I get asked this question a lot, and I used to dread giving an answer. I was only in school because my parents wanted me to be, and I had no intention of getting a job in my field. It was embarrassing and awkward to admit that I was going to do "nothing" with my degree.
It's time for me to quit playing the victim card here.
It's time for me to admit that this is what I chose -- not something unfair that was thrust upon me.
And the truth? The decision I've made for my future isn't common, it isn't popular, and frankly it makes a few people mad -- but it makes me really happy.
And now that I've realized that, I can own it. Now this question has become one of my favorites to answer:
"What are your plans after school?"
I smile. I'm going to be a really educated housewife.
They laugh. "No, I mean career-wise. What are you going to do with your degree?"
They don't get it. See, that is the career. I want to be a well-educated housewife.
My fiancé makes enough money that he doesn't need for me to work in order for us to make ends meet -- and he hasn't topped out yet either. I have the degree so that, in case a desperate circumstance arises and I need to find a job for the good of our family, I can.
But he and I are planning a large family. And I want to be there for all of the firsts, and every moment after that. I want to be there to cook their dinners, to tell them to clean their room, to teach them about the God who loves them more than I ever could, to inform their consciences and discipline them when they're in the wrong, to hug them when they cry, to read to them, to tuck them in at night, and all the other little moments that mean so much more when your mom is there with you.
Yeah, I could probably work from home. Or I could justify being a housewife by deciding to homeschool my kids -- this would require me to stay at home.
And under the right circumstances, one or both of those might become a reality.
But I don't feel like I have to make excuses anymore. Nothing brings me more joy than the hope of being an educated housewife and (God willing) a mother. And my fiancé enjoys being the provider -- he likes knowing that he can take care of me and our future family.
I know a lot of people who have to run on two incomes just to make ends meet. That's a very big reality in our economy, and I have much respect for the couples who make that sacrifice for the good of their family. That being said, I could not see myself taking a job outside the home just so I could feel like I was contributing financially or to make FI and I able to live a little more comfortably.
I don't need the best house, the best clothes, the best cell phone, the best TV screen -- I've found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with -- for richer, for poorer -- and the time I spend with him is far more precious than a job that, at this point in our lives, we don't need for me to have.
Sincerely yours,
Future Homemaker of America
(endangered species: do not hunt)
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Monday, May 12, 2014
Waste Not, Want Not
My brother graduated with his bachelor's degree in Theology & Philosophy on Saturday, and we are SO proud of him.
The family went out for dinner afterwards, and on our way out, a man on the side of the road offered to buy our leftovers from us, We didn't take his money, but we handed him the to-go box with contents that didn't require utensils.
And I listened to his words of thanks and his "God bless you"s, and I watched him walk back to the curb to share the half-sandwich with two other men.
And I just haven't been able to get this man out of my head.
How many times have I purchased more food than I could eat at a restaurant and grimaced because I had eaten "too much"?
And that thought just kind of disgusts me when I see how eager this man was for our half-sandwich.
When we were little, my mom always made sure we cleared our plates. We sat there until we finished. And sometimes we could complain, "I don't like it! I don't want to eat it!"
And my mom always told me about these starving kids in Africa who would just LOVE to have my scraps -- the crust off my sandwich.
But what about the people who are hungry next door? Down the street?
They became so very real to me this weekend.
When my fiancé and I go out to eat -- even just fast food -- we're spending about $10.
Well, last week, we found out we could feed his whole family and myself (6 people) a great meal for that same 10 dollars, and I know it was healthier than McDonald's. And when I choose to feed me and my fiancé with those $10, I'm choosing not to feed the other four.
And if I'm spending the money anyway, then...why not?
These are just my humble reflections, and I don't know what to do with them just yet. But thank you for listening.
The family went out for dinner afterwards, and on our way out, a man on the side of the road offered to buy our leftovers from us, We didn't take his money, but we handed him the to-go box with contents that didn't require utensils.
And I listened to his words of thanks and his "God bless you"s, and I watched him walk back to the curb to share the half-sandwich with two other men.
And I just haven't been able to get this man out of my head.
How many times have I purchased more food than I could eat at a restaurant and grimaced because I had eaten "too much"?
And that thought just kind of disgusts me when I see how eager this man was for our half-sandwich.
When we were little, my mom always made sure we cleared our plates. We sat there until we finished. And sometimes we could complain, "I don't like it! I don't want to eat it!"
And my mom always told me about these starving kids in Africa who would just LOVE to have my scraps -- the crust off my sandwich.
But what about the people who are hungry next door? Down the street?
They became so very real to me this weekend.
When my fiancé and I go out to eat -- even just fast food -- we're spending about $10.
Well, last week, we found out we could feed his whole family and myself (6 people) a great meal for that same 10 dollars, and I know it was healthier than McDonald's. And when I choose to feed me and my fiancé with those $10, I'm choosing not to feed the other four.
And if I'm spending the money anyway, then...why not?
These are just my humble reflections, and I don't know what to do with them just yet. But thank you for listening.
Friday, May 2, 2014
Tips for Living with a New Roommate
I just finished up my junior year of college, but it was my first semester actually living on-campus with a roommate. After a VERY interesting year, I thought I'd share some of the things I learned about living with someone new. I especially wanted to save these for later because I'm going to need them when FI move in together after the wedding I'm sure!
Your roommate is not your clone.
Your roommate is not going to be exactly like you. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with them.
Try to withhold judgment for at least the first month of living together.
All these false fronts go up because you don't know each other that well at first. Heck, I made my bed every day for the whole first month because my roommate was SO tidy that I'm pretty sure she was cleaning the toilet AT LEAST once a week, whether it needed it or not)
Take the time to get to know them.
Once the weird first month goes by, chances are you're going to realize you have more in common than you think. There was a teacher at my high school who taught freshman, and she paired everyone up and made them sit there and come up with 40 things they had in common. It was TORTURE in high school, but a useful skill in college.
Be humble.
You have flaws too. So when you're making that mental list of all the annoying things your roommate does, remember that they probably have a mental list too. Understand that you're probably messing up as much as you think they are, and own up to it when you realize that.
Talk it out.
Living with someone new is always a weird kinda unique experience. It's a lot to take in all at once, so sometimes you have to be straightforward about what's bothering you, NICELY. They may not even realize their doing the thing that drives you nuts. Then again...they may just think you're crazy because this thing drives you nuts. Only one way to find out!
Become a good listener. Talk out your problems together so you can actually handle living together BUT if you aren't BOTH actively developing your listening skills, this "discussion" can turn into a screaming match FAST.
Say you're sorry.
When things get out of hand, the best way to knock down the pride-walls between you and your roommate is to just to apologize. It's awkward and it means admitting you were wrong, but it's the fastest way to get it over with instead of being like, "If I let enough time go by......they will have forgotten about this little incident, and then I don't have to say anything!" Don't wait a little while, it could wreck a potential friendship.
Do stupid things together!Some of the best bonding experiences I had with my roommate was washing dishes in our bathtub, cooking in our coffee maker, and admitting to the world via YouTube that we had ruined our carpet with bleach.
(Watch the video Here)
And other students thought it was kinda gross and weird and we felt like it was US AGAINST THE WORLD!! Which it totally wasn't, but it brought us together, and now everyone secretly wants to know how to cook in the coffee maker.
Did I miss something? Share your own advice for new roomies in the comment box below!
Your roommate is not your clone.
Your roommate is not going to be exactly like you. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with them.
Try to withhold judgment for at least the first month of living together.
All these false fronts go up because you don't know each other that well at first. Heck, I made my bed every day for the whole first month because my roommate was SO tidy that I'm pretty sure she was cleaning the toilet AT LEAST once a week, whether it needed it or not)
Take the time to get to know them.
Once the weird first month goes by, chances are you're going to realize you have more in common than you think. There was a teacher at my high school who taught freshman, and she paired everyone up and made them sit there and come up with 40 things they had in common. It was TORTURE in high school, but a useful skill in college.
Be humble.
You have flaws too. So when you're making that mental list of all the annoying things your roommate does, remember that they probably have a mental list too. Understand that you're probably messing up as much as you think they are, and own up to it when you realize that.
Talk it out.
Living with someone new is always a weird kinda unique experience. It's a lot to take in all at once, so sometimes you have to be straightforward about what's bothering you, NICELY. They may not even realize their doing the thing that drives you nuts. Then again...they may just think you're crazy because this thing drives you nuts. Only one way to find out!
Become a good listener. Talk out your problems together so you can actually handle living together BUT if you aren't BOTH actively developing your listening skills, this "discussion" can turn into a screaming match FAST.
Say you're sorry.
When things get out of hand, the best way to knock down the pride-walls between you and your roommate is to just to apologize. It's awkward and it means admitting you were wrong, but it's the fastest way to get it over with instead of being like, "If I let enough time go by......they will have forgotten about this little incident, and then I don't have to say anything!" Don't wait a little while, it could wreck a potential friendship.
Do stupid things together!Some of the best bonding experiences I had with my roommate was washing dishes in our bathtub, cooking in our coffee maker, and admitting to the world via YouTube that we had ruined our carpet with bleach.
(Watch the video Here)
And other students thought it was kinda gross and weird and we felt like it was US AGAINST THE WORLD!! Which it totally wasn't, but it brought us together, and now everyone secretly wants to know how to cook in the coffee maker.
Did I miss something? Share your own advice for new roomies in the comment box below!
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Cooking for the Inlaws
FI (the Chef) just turned 23, so for his birthday I raided my Pinterest for awesome dinner recipes, and here's what we ended up with:
(we tripled the recipe posted on her blog, to yield the following):
Software:
This was just my own improvisation.
I had about 2 1/2 pounds of little red potatoes and baked them in butter and garlic and parmesan cheese and salt and junk. And they was YUMMY but it was definitely not enough potatoes -- I'll probably do at least 5 pounds next time!
Overall, this meal cost us about $40 to feed 5 people because we didn't have any of the ingredients hanging out in the pantry. I'll do a follow-up post if/when I'm able to bring down the cost.
And the last time I cooked for my fiance I messed up a box of macaroni and cheese (talk about embarrassing!) -- so I was TOTALLY nervous about cooking for the inlaws (for the first time).
Luckily, this meal was unanimously loved and nobody died.
And if the girl who messed up mac n cheese can do it, then so can you.
Luckily, this meal was unanimously loved and nobody died.
And if the girl who messed up mac n cheese can do it, then so can you.
Herb Crusted Chicken in Basil Cream
from the Our Kind of Love blog(we tripled the recipe posted on her blog, to yield the following):
Serves: 6
- 6 Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts, pounded thin
- 3/4 cup milk
- 1 1/2 cup Garlic & Herb Bread Crumbs
- 6 teaspoons Garlic and Bell Pepper Seasoning
- 3 teaspoon freeze dried chives
- 9 Tablespoons butter
- 1 1/8 teaspoons garlic powder
- 1 1/2 cup Chicken Broth
- 3/4 can of diced tomatoes, drained and finely chopped
- 3 cups heavy whipping cream
- 1 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese blend
- 6 Tablespoons freeze dried (or fresh) basil
- fresh ground black pepper
- Large skillet
- Cutting board
- Measuring cup/spoons
- Meat mallet (except FIL was sleeping so we squished the meat flat with bare hands instead of pounding it with a mallet)
- Place bread crumbs, Roasted Garlic and Bell Pepper Seasoning and freeze dried chives in a shallow bowl; mix thoroughly.
- Place milk in a separate shallow bowl.
- In a skillet, heat butter on medium heat. Meanwhile, pound chicken flat and thin for even cooking (if you haven't done so already).
- Dip the chicken in the milk, then coat with crumb mixture.
- Cook chicken in butter until browned and cooked through (about ten minutes). Remove and keep warm
- In the same skillet, add garlic and sauté for approximately 1 minute.
- Add chicken broth and bring to a boil over medium heat. Stir occasionally to loosen browned parts from the pan.
- Stir in cream and tomatoes; bring to a boil and stir for one minute.
- Reduce heat to low; add Parmesan cheese, basil and a dash of pepper, stir sauce and cook until heated through and thickened. (about 5 minutes)
- Serve by pouring the sauce over the chicken. For added flair, serve the chicken and sauce over cooked pasta.
I had a great recipe I was going to use for the green beans, but we lost internet signal while I was trying to whip them up, so we sauteed them in the skillet after the chicken was done with butter, garlic, and salt.
Roasted Potatoes
I had about 2 1/2 pounds of little red potatoes and baked them in butter and garlic and parmesan cheese and salt and junk. And they was YUMMY but it was definitely not enough potatoes -- I'll probably do at least 5 pounds next time!
Overall, this meal cost us about $40 to feed 5 people because we didn't have any of the ingredients hanging out in the pantry. I'll do a follow-up post if/when I'm able to bring down the cost.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Premarital Bucket List
Well, I finally came to terms with the fact that senior year of college is going to be rough, and since we're (finally!!) getting married only a few months after graduation...we hired a wedding planner!
But gosh...what am I going to do with all the "free time" I would've spent planning my own wedding?
For a while now, Nathan and I have talked about making a list of things we want to do before getting married, SO here it goes: the Premarital Bucket List.
1. Go Skydiving
2. Ride in a Hot Air Balloon
3. Have a Water Balloon Fight
4. Have a Paint Fight
5. Dance in the Rain
6. Watch the Sunrise AND the Sunset IN THE SAME DAY.
7. Get 365 Unique Pieces of Advice from Married Couples we Respect.
8. Make a Music Video
9. Go Fishing
10. Learn to Dance
11. Go to an Opera
12. Go to the Circus
13. Attend a Murder Mystery Event
14. Go to Every Mule Day Event
15. Eat Taco Bell's XXL Nachos
Basically like a Nachos Bell Grande (+ pico de gallo but bigger and guacamole) and more chips than there were toppings. They weren't bad but I can't say I'm impressed. :^/
16. Go to Every Yard Sale in the Area on a Given Saturday.
Purchase the weirdest/coolest (cheap) thing you find at each one.
17. Remake Childhood Photos
18. Learn to Eat with Chopsticks
19. Take Cheesy Photobooth Pictures
20. Carve Our Initials in the Balcony where He Proposed
21. Eat Vanilla Pudding out of Mayo Jars in Public
22. Play Laser Tag
23. Write Handwritten Letters to a Stranger
24. Draw all your Dreams for the Future in White Sidewalk Chalk
25. Make a Coat of Arms
26. Finish Meeting the Family
27. Eat at Medieval Times Restaurant
28. Walk on the Beach
29. Go to Disney World
30. Go to Harry Potter World
31. Buy/Rent our First Home
32. Take Pictures with Santa
33. Make a Floor Plan for our Dream Home
34. Go Ice Skating
35. Strengthen our Prayer Life Together
And this is just the beginning!
Did I miss something? Drop me a comment with any suggestions!
But gosh...what am I going to do with all the "free time" I would've spent planning my own wedding?
For a while now, Nathan and I have talked about making a list of things we want to do before getting married, SO here it goes: the Premarital Bucket List.
1. Go Skydiving
2. Ride in a Hot Air Balloon
3. Have a Water Balloon Fight
4. Have a Paint Fight
5. Dance in the Rain
6. Watch the Sunrise AND the Sunset IN THE SAME DAY.
7. Get 365 Unique Pieces of Advice from Married Couples we Respect.
8. Make a Music Video
9. Go Fishing
10. Learn to Dance
11. Go to an Opera
12. Go to the Circus
13. Attend a Murder Mystery Event
14. Go to Every Mule Day Event
Basically like a Nachos Bell Grande (+ pico de gallo but bigger and guacamole) and more chips than there were toppings. They weren't bad but I can't say I'm impressed. :^/
16. Go to Every Yard Sale in the Area on a Given Saturday.
Purchase the weirdest/coolest (cheap) thing you find at each one.
17. Remake Childhood Photos
18. Learn to Eat with Chopsticks
19. Take Cheesy Photobooth Pictures
20. Carve Our Initials in the Balcony where He Proposed
21. Eat Vanilla Pudding out of Mayo Jars in Public
22. Play Laser Tag
23. Write Handwritten Letters to a Stranger
24. Draw all your Dreams for the Future in White Sidewalk Chalk
25. Make a Coat of Arms
26. Finish Meeting the Family
27. Eat at Medieval Times Restaurant
28. Walk on the Beach
29. Go to Disney World
30. Go to Harry Potter World
31. Buy/Rent our First Home
32. Take Pictures with Santa
33. Make a Floor Plan for our Dream Home
34. Go Ice Skating
35. Strengthen our Prayer Life Together
And this is just the beginning!
Did I miss something? Drop me a comment with any suggestions!
Friday, February 7, 2014
Coffee Pot Cooking: Cheese Manicotti
So, in case you weren't aware...I cook in my coffee pot. Yeah, I know, it's kinda weird, but you'll thank me later!
"But...why would you DO THAT??"
Fair question.
1. I'm a college student.
2. We aren't allowed to have a microwave in our dorm room.
3. We ARE ALLOWED to have a coffee maker in our dorm room.
4. Because our dorms are set up kinda "motel-style," we have to walk down the outdoor hallway to get to the community kitchen.
5. Right now, it's COLD outside and I don't WANT to go outside.
6. This community kitchen is shared between, like, 30 girls, and it can get crazy busy in there.
7. Honestly, I just think it's kinda cool.
8. Personally I've found that some (not all, but some) of the food actually TASTES better when cooked on the coffee maker compared to the microwave (mostly because sometimes I use it like a grill).
"But...why would I ever need to do that?"
1. If you're in a similar college-dorm situation.
2. If you're in a hotel room and tired of going out to eat.
3. If your microwave AND oven BOTH go out SIMULTANEOUSLY and it's SNOWING OUTSIDE and you CAN'T get to the store to get a new microwave and you want WARM FOOD.
4. Or really if you just want the bragging rights of serving your friends a hot meal and being like, "Yo, this came out of my coffee pot."
Granted, it takes longer.
Why?
Because this little contraption is supposed to make coffee, and it's only real intended purpose is to heat up water.
But really, as a college student, I've got plenty of things to do while I wait for my food to cook (namely facebook, youtube, oh yeah -- and homework). Think of it like a versatile crock pot.
SO, what are we cooking today?
Well, it's Friday, and I don't eat meat on Friday -- so I went to Kroger and got me one of those little frozen meals -- Cheese Manicotti, this time. And we're cooking it in the coffee pot for lunch!
HOW TO:
So, ignore the package directions of opening the package slightly for venting purposes in the microwave and just yank the whole top off.
You'll find out the big slab of manicotti and sauce is too wide for your coffee pot (unless yours is just bigger than mine -- mine is a 12-cup)
so break it up into chunks with a metal fork.
Well, break up the frozen sauce, leave the manicotti intact.
Anyway so you get it all in the pot, and it might stand at a kinda weird angle but it'll start looking normal as it thaws.
And ya turn on the coffee maker.
This is it 10 minutes in.
About 25-30 minutes in, you should see the sauce getting all bubbly in there, and you'll want to flip the pasta over so the top of it gets nice and hot.
3-5 minutes later, you will have a lovely plate of Cheese Manicotti.
Enjoy!
The oven directions said to bake for 25 minutes -- so the fact that I had it fresh outta the coffee pot in 30-35 minutes is enough to make me happy. :)
And yes, it was delicious.
Got something in mind you'd like to see made in the coffee pot? I do accept challenges!!
"But...why would you DO THAT??"
Fair question.
1. I'm a college student.
2. We aren't allowed to have a microwave in our dorm room.
3. We ARE ALLOWED to have a coffee maker in our dorm room.
4. Because our dorms are set up kinda "motel-style," we have to walk down the outdoor hallway to get to the community kitchen.
5. Right now, it's COLD outside and I don't WANT to go outside.
6. This community kitchen is shared between, like, 30 girls, and it can get crazy busy in there.
7. Honestly, I just think it's kinda cool.
8. Personally I've found that some (not all, but some) of the food actually TASTES better when cooked on the coffee maker compared to the microwave (mostly because sometimes I use it like a grill).
"But...why would I ever need to do that?"
1. If you're in a similar college-dorm situation.
2. If you're in a hotel room and tired of going out to eat.
3. If your microwave AND oven BOTH go out SIMULTANEOUSLY and it's SNOWING OUTSIDE and you CAN'T get to the store to get a new microwave and you want WARM FOOD.
4. Or really if you just want the bragging rights of serving your friends a hot meal and being like, "Yo, this came out of my coffee pot."
Granted, it takes longer.
Why?
Because this little contraption is supposed to make coffee, and it's only real intended purpose is to heat up water.
But really, as a college student, I've got plenty of things to do while I wait for my food to cook (namely facebook, youtube, oh yeah -- and homework). Think of it like a versatile crock pot.
SO, what are we cooking today?
Well, it's Friday, and I don't eat meat on Friday -- so I went to Kroger and got me one of those little frozen meals -- Cheese Manicotti, this time. And we're cooking it in the coffee pot for lunch!
HOW TO:
So, ignore the package directions of opening the package slightly for venting purposes in the microwave and just yank the whole top off.
You'll find out the big slab of manicotti and sauce is too wide for your coffee pot (unless yours is just bigger than mine -- mine is a 12-cup)
so break it up into chunks with a metal fork.
Well, break up the frozen sauce, leave the manicotti intact.
Anyway so you get it all in the pot, and it might stand at a kinda weird angle but it'll start looking normal as it thaws.
And ya turn on the coffee maker.
This is it 10 minutes in.
About 25-30 minutes in, you should see the sauce getting all bubbly in there, and you'll want to flip the pasta over so the top of it gets nice and hot.
3-5 minutes later, you will have a lovely plate of Cheese Manicotti.
Enjoy!
The oven directions said to bake for 25 minutes -- so the fact that I had it fresh outta the coffee pot in 30-35 minutes is enough to make me happy. :)
And yes, it was delicious.
Got something in mind you'd like to see made in the coffee pot? I do accept challenges!!
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Talk to Me
If you know me at all -- even if you've just kind of breezed in and out of my life briefly -- then you know I'm not this really open person. I'm not going to tell you what's going on in my life, in my head, in my heart, unless I really trust you. And if you know me at all, you know I'm really not the "trusting" type. I'm working on that, but that's for another day. If you do think that I tell you everything in my life, head, and heart, then you're either one of very few -- and if you are, there should be no question, you'll know -- or I have you fooled, but that's fine too.
Anyway, I don't talk to people. And as of late, I've realized more and more how that trickled down into my relationships -- yes, even with the man I'm going to be marrying. I know, it's sad, we should've dealt with communication problems a long time ago, but I never really thought they were "problems" so much as "hindrances"....which I now realize is another word for "problems."
Okay, so basically I've been ignoring the whole situation. Bad, bad, bad.
Because, if you know me at all, you know that when somebody upsets me, I shut myself in my room and go to sleep and don't ever address the issue -- which is a lousy, LOUSY habit -- not to mention, it left Nathan terribly confused about whether "I'm fine" meant I was really fine or that something was wrong. Poor guy.
But my point in all this, is I found this book that is rocking my world right now, and I think it's a great thing for all engaged couples -- especially ones like me and Nathan who've got lots of time before the big day. It's called 1,001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married.
And I know, it sounds super intimidating, but when you skip the questions that don't apply to you, it's really no where NEAR 1,000 questions (example: most of us can skip the chapter on "if you're marrying a celebrity" -- it was funny to read though).
It starts with questions about your parents marriage, your childhood, growing up -- and it really lays the groundwork for what EACH OF YOU want out of marriage, what you're expecting it to be. And when you're answering the questions separately (we bought each other notebooks and have kept all of our answers recorded) you get the honest view from the other person. Just when you think you've got a person all figured out, there's still SO much left to know! And one chapter flows into another SO EASY that you almost don't notice when the topic of conversation shifts from your parents' marriage to your own!
Now that Nathan and I have knocked down all the walls that "protected" us from "uncomfortable conversation," it's brought us to a whole new world of comfort and openness -- not to mention we've recognized that we want a lot of the same things for our future (not all, but at least we're talking about it).
I'm super excited that Nathan and I get to work on these things now, a couple years before the fact. It seems like everywhere I turn, somebody's marriage is failing -- sometimes even people that I would have SWORN were in it for the long haul. I don't want that. And we're working to address everyone else's issues in our own relationship before it's too late.
Anyway, I don't talk to people. And as of late, I've realized more and more how that trickled down into my relationships -- yes, even with the man I'm going to be marrying. I know, it's sad, we should've dealt with communication problems a long time ago, but I never really thought they were "problems" so much as "hindrances"....which I now realize is another word for "problems."
Okay, so basically I've been ignoring the whole situation. Bad, bad, bad.
Because, if you know me at all, you know that when somebody upsets me, I shut myself in my room and go to sleep and don't ever address the issue -- which is a lousy, LOUSY habit -- not to mention, it left Nathan terribly confused about whether "I'm fine" meant I was really fine or that something was wrong. Poor guy.
But my point in all this, is I found this book that is rocking my world right now, and I think it's a great thing for all engaged couples -- especially ones like me and Nathan who've got lots of time before the big day. It's called 1,001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married.
And I know, it sounds super intimidating, but when you skip the questions that don't apply to you, it's really no where NEAR 1,000 questions (example: most of us can skip the chapter on "if you're marrying a celebrity" -- it was funny to read though).It starts with questions about your parents marriage, your childhood, growing up -- and it really lays the groundwork for what EACH OF YOU want out of marriage, what you're expecting it to be. And when you're answering the questions separately (we bought each other notebooks and have kept all of our answers recorded) you get the honest view from the other person. Just when you think you've got a person all figured out, there's still SO much left to know! And one chapter flows into another SO EASY that you almost don't notice when the topic of conversation shifts from your parents' marriage to your own!
Now that Nathan and I have knocked down all the walls that "protected" us from "uncomfortable conversation," it's brought us to a whole new world of comfort and openness -- not to mention we've recognized that we want a lot of the same things for our future (not all, but at least we're talking about it).
I'm super excited that Nathan and I get to work on these things now, a couple years before the fact. It seems like everywhere I turn, somebody's marriage is failing -- sometimes even people that I would have SWORN were in it for the long haul. I don't want that. And we're working to address everyone else's issues in our own relationship before it's too late.
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