Premarital Bucket List

Well, I finally came to terms with the fact that senior year of college is going to be rough, and since we're (finally!!) getting married only a few months after graduation...we hired a wedding planner!

But gosh...what am I going to do with all the "free time" I would've spent planning my own wedding?

For a while now, Nathan and I have talked about making a list of things we want to do before getting married, SO here it goes: the Premarital Bucket List.

1. Go Skydiving
2. Ride in a Hot Air Balloon
3. Have a Water Balloon Fight
4. Have a Paint Fight
5. Dance in the Rain
6. Watch the Sunrise AND the Sunset IN THE SAME DAY.
7. Get 365 Unique Pieces of Advice from Married Couples we Respect.
8. Make a Music Video
9. Go Fishing
10. Learn to Dance
11. Go to an Opera
12. Go to the Circus
13. Attend a Murder Mystery Event
14. Go to Every Mule Day Event
15. Eat Taco Bell's XXL Nachos

Basically like a Nachos Bell Grande (+ pico de gallo but bigger and guacamole) and more chips than there were toppings.  They weren't bad but I can't say I'm impressed. :^/

16. Go to Every Yard Sale in the Area on a Given Saturday.
      Purchase the weirdest/coolest (cheap) thing you find at each one.
17. Remake Childhood Photos
18. Learn to Eat with Chopsticks
19. Take Cheesy Photobooth Pictures
20. Carve Our Initials in the Balcony where He Proposed
21. Eat Vanilla Pudding out of Mayo Jars in Public
22. Play Laser Tag
23. Write Handwritten Letters to a Stranger
24. Draw all your Dreams for the Future in White Sidewalk Chalk
25. Make a Coat of Arms
26. Finish Meeting the Family
27. Eat at Medieval Times Restaurant
28. Walk on the Beach
29. Go to Disney World
30. Go to Harry Potter World
31. Buy/Rent our First Home
32. Take Pictures with Santa
33. Make a Floor Plan for our Dream Home
34. Go Ice Skating
35. Strengthen our Prayer Life Together

And this is just the beginning!
Did I miss something?  Drop me a comment with any suggestions!

Coffee Pot Cooking: Cheese Manicotti

So, in case you weren't aware...I cook in my coffee pot.  Yeah, I know, it's kinda weird, but you'll thank me later!

"But...why would you DO THAT??"

Fair question.

1. I'm a college student.

2. We aren't allowed to have a microwave in our dorm room.

3. We ARE ALLOWED to have a coffee maker in our dorm room.

4. Because our dorms are set up kinda "motel-style," we have to walk down the outdoor hallway to get to the community kitchen.

5. Right now, it's COLD outside and I don't WANT to go outside.

6. This community kitchen is shared between, like, 30 girls, and it can get crazy busy in there.

7. Honestly, I just think it's kinda cool.

8. Personally I've found that some (not all, but some) of the food actually TASTES better when cooked on the coffee maker compared to the microwave (mostly because sometimes I use it like a grill).

"But...why would I ever need to do that?"

1. If you're in a similar college-dorm situation.

2. If you're in a hotel room and tired of going out to eat.

3. If your microwave AND oven BOTH go out SIMULTANEOUSLY and it's SNOWING OUTSIDE and you CAN'T get to the store to get a new microwave and you want WARM FOOD.

4. Or really if you just want the bragging rights of serving your friends a hot meal and being like, "Yo, this came out of my coffee pot."

Granted, it takes longer.
Why?
 Because this little contraption is supposed to make coffee, and it's only real intended purpose is to heat up water.
But really, as a college student, I've got plenty of things to do while I wait for my food to cook (namely facebook, youtube, oh yeah -- and homework).  Think of it like a versatile crock pot.

SO, what are we cooking today?

Well, it's Friday, and I don't eat meat on Friday -- so I went to Kroger and got me one of those little frozen meals -- Cheese Manicotti, this time.  And we're cooking it in the coffee pot for lunch!

HOW TO:

So, ignore the package directions of opening the package slightly for venting purposes in the microwave and just yank the whole top off.

You'll find out the big slab of manicotti and sauce is too wide for your coffee pot (unless yours is just bigger than mine -- mine is a 12-cup)
so break it up into chunks with a metal fork.

Well, break up the frozen sauce, leave the manicotti intact.

Anyway so you get it all in the pot, and it might stand at a kinda weird angle but it'll start looking normal as it thaws.

And ya turn on the coffee maker.










This is it 10 minutes in.










About 25-30 minutes in, you should see the sauce getting all bubbly in there, and you'll want to flip the pasta over so the top of it gets nice and hot.

3-5 minutes later, you will have a lovely plate of Cheese Manicotti.

Enjoy!





The oven directions said to bake for 25 minutes -- so the fact that I had it fresh outta the coffee pot in 30-35 minutes is enough to make me happy. :)

And yes, it was delicious.


Got something in mind you'd like to see made in the coffee pot?  I do accept challenges!!

Talk to Me

If you know me at all -- even if you've just kind of breezed in and out of my life briefly -- then you know I'm not this really open person.  I'm not going to tell you what's going on in my life, in my head, in my heart, unless I really trust you.  And if you know me at all, you know I'm really not the "trusting" type.  I'm working on that, but that's for another day.  If you do think that I tell you everything in my life, head, and heart, then you're either one of very few -- and if you are, there should be no question, you'll know -- or I have you fooled, but that's fine too.
Anyway, I don't talk to people.  And as of late, I've realized more and more how that trickled down into my relationships -- yes, even with the man I'm going to be marrying.  I know, it's sad, we should've dealt with communication problems a long time ago, but I never really thought they were "problems" so much as "hindrances"....which I now realize is another word for "problems."
Okay, so basically I've been ignoring the whole situation.  Bad, bad, bad.
Because, if you know me at all, you know that when somebody upsets me, I shut myself in my room and go to sleep and don't ever address the issue -- which is a lousy, LOUSY habit -- not to mention, it left Nathan terribly confused about whether "I'm fine" meant I was really fine or that something was wrong.  Poor guy.
But my point in all this, is I found this book that is rocking my world right now, and I think it's a great thing for all engaged couples -- especially ones like me and Nathan who've got lots of time before the big day.  It's called 1,001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married.

 And I know, it sounds super intimidating, but when you skip the questions that don't apply to you, it's really no where NEAR 1,000 questions (example: most of us can skip the chapter on "if you're marrying a celebrity" -- it was funny to read though).
It starts with questions about your parents marriage, your childhood, growing up -- and it really lays the groundwork for what EACH OF YOU want out of marriage, what you're expecting it to be.  And when you're answering the questions separately (we bought each other notebooks and have kept all of our answers recorded) you get the honest view from the other person.  Just when you think you've got a person all figured out, there's still SO much left to know!  And one chapter flows into another SO EASY that you almost don't notice when the topic of conversation shifts from your parents' marriage to your own!
Now that Nathan and I have knocked down all the walls that "protected" us from "uncomfortable conversation," it's brought us to a whole new world of comfort and openness -- not to mention we've recognized that we want a lot of the same things for our future (not all, but at least we're talking about it).
I'm super excited that Nathan and I get to work on these things now, a couple years before the fact.  It seems like everywhere I turn, somebody's marriage is failing -- sometimes even people that I would have SWORN were in it for the long haul.  I don't want that.  And we're working to address everyone else's issues in our own relationship before it's too late.

Love comes from God. Doubt does Not.

I guess I just thought this was going to be a lot easier than this.... umm....Wow.
Well, Nathan left Sunday night for Nashville again.  Monday he started at the Opryland Hotel.  And I guess I didn't expect myself to lose it like that either.  A moment of devastation, but... I pulled myself together.  I always do.
And you know, I'm used to going a week -- sometimes two without seeing him.  So even if he were still working at Kroger, I still wouldn't be seeing him right now.  But somehow it's different I guess?
It's different because slowly, minute by minute, the reality of it all is starting to sink in.  He's a full-time student.  And a full-time line cook.  And he is not going to get weekends off.  And if he ever does get a day off of work and school at the same time, chances are I'm going to have work, or school, or both.  And if ever the possibility arises that we're both free at the same time, we're going to be watching each other do homework.  Except not really, because we'll both be doing homework.  So we'll do our homework in the same room with little to no interaction, and that presence is going to have to be good enough.
And don't get me wrong, I would love to have a day for us to do homework together because he would be here again.
But....it's going to be a while...

For the past couple of days, he's called me and I can hear this overwhelming joy in his voice.  He's finally found a job that he loves.  He loves that job.  I want him to have  a job he loves.  I do.

I've been warned before that in long-distance relationships, engagements even, it's easy for Doubt to slip his way into your mind, ruining the wonderful and authentic love that God has blessed us with.

God tells us that Love is always patient and kind.  It's never jealous.  It isn't boastful or conceited.  It is never rude and it never seeks its own advantage.  Love doesn't rejoice in wrongdoing.  It finds joy in truth.  LOVE IS ALWAYS READY TO MAKE ALLOWANCES, TO TRUST, TO HOPE, AND TO ENDURE WHATEVER COMES.

Love comes from God.  Doubt does not.

When Nathan told me he was being offered this job, and I told him to take it, this is the Love I spoke with: the Love that wanted what was best for him and his future, the Love that wanted to make him happy even if it meant I would see much less of him, the Love that knew God would get us through anything.

But, I tell you, that Love isn't easy.  He calls me and we'll talk about how the new job is going.  He loves it so much and loves sharing with me all the wonderful aspects of it.  And I want to be that supportive fiance who is happy because he is happy, and that's enough.  But I have all these weird feelings inside of me when he talks about work and school.

And it's because he's so happy.

I don't know if part of me wanted him to have some amount of regret for taking this job -- or why I would feel that way, but him being happy about it didn't make me happy.  And I don't really know why.  I wanted there to be at least one thing he didn't like about this job -- and I feel terrible that I wanted that.  But he really does love this job.


He told me he didn't ever want to leave -- and even though I knew what he meant by that -- I think I died a little bit inside.

I feel selfish, and jealous, and a little lost by at all.  I keep thinking, What now?  What now, God?  Where am I supposed to go from here?

And I recognize this feeling.  I've felt like this before, oddly enough.  It does have to do with a long-distance relationship.  It's a long-distance relationship with God.  Whenever my prayer life has been put on the back burner, my whole world falls apart.  Every time.  Without fail.

I kept telling myself that I was too busy with school and work and everything else.  I loved that Our God was so understanding of what all I was going through.

And this is where I have to stop myself because ANY time I think "God will understand" it usually means I'm doing something Wrong.  And sure enough, I've neglected my prayer life.

So, it's time to get back on the right track.  I need God to restore that genuine Love, the ability for me to put Nathan before myself.  I need to pray for Nathan because I know this long-distance relationship will take a toll on him also.  But most importantly, I need to re-build my foundation with God again.  He and I have some catching up to do.

Keep us in your prayers as well!

Taking Risks

Nathan was just offered a full-time job as a line cook for the Opryland Hotel in Nashville -- not at all far from his apartment.
I am sooo so excited for him.  He's been looking for a way out of Kroger for quite some time now, and this news came like an answer to many prayers.  It meant Nathan was finally going to get some experience in his field.  As Opryland shamelessly told him, "Burger King isn't really impressive experience."

When he called to give me the news, he was completely blown away with excitement.  I could hear it in his voice, and I was thrilled to death for him.  This was exactly what he needed.

But, of course, there's always a catch.

Opryland isn't like Kroger.  They don't play games.  They're real serious.  And this is a full-time job with benefits.  This means he will be working 32 hours (minimum) per week.  This means they can't guarantee him weekends or holidays off (actually, they certainly can't guarantee holidays off, as I'm sure that's their busy season, being a hotel).  Working at Opryland also means taking a $3/hour pay cut, which also means that he can't afford to come back to Columbia to visit as often.

Nathan has lived in Nashville since he started the school year, and we've gotten used to only seeing each other on the weekends.  Now our time together will be cut even shorter.  Am I happy about that?  No.  I'm going to miss the heck out of that kid.

But I know he needs this.  He needs this experience to boost his career.  And I know he wants this.  He wants so bad to provide for the family we both want to have someday.  He wants to build a life for the two of us and our future children, and that's a beautiful thing to have someone want to do for you.  And if that means taking some risks?  Even if that means taking some distance, never take for granted a man who wants what is best for you.

I still can't believe it's all happening.  It really all just seems kind of crazy.  I'm engaged to the man of my dreams, and now I have to accept not seeing him for weeks at a time.  It has been QUITE an emotional roller coaster (and I'm sure it isn't over yet), but writing it all out like this makes it easier for me to process, easier to handle.  And it's so wonderful to know that we have the love and support of so many friends.

So... what to do with that void in my weekend he used to fill?  No worries.  I've got a lot of work to do, becoming Mrs. Right.

Overcoming Fear

Anyone who knows me even remotely well would be shocked to know that now, 2 ½ weeks after the proposal, is the first time it has occurred to me to be afraid.  I’ve been so busy being excited, looking at bridesmaid dresses, admiring my ring, wondering who I’ll select as my maid of honor – that the reality of it really hadn’t sunk in.

My sister, Sara, had put this video/slideshow thing together for an assignment, and I was watching it last night.  I had watched it before but somehow it was different this time.  There was something absurd about it all, and I really couldn’t pinpoint what it was until I watched the last video clip in the sequence. 




Then I realized why it was all so bizarre.  I remembered that clip.  It wasn’t just that the video was familiar either.  I remembered filming it.  I remember learning those songs off of a computer program – maybe Jump Start Preschool?  And I remember having my dad record Sara and I singing them together.  And that’s really eerie to remember.  I remember being four years old vividly.  I can even remember some of the thoughts I had at that age, on specific occasions – maybe that’s just a girl thing, I don’t know.  I remember standing on a stool to reach the bathroom sink and just barely being able to see my chubby face in the mirror.  Now I look in the mirror and it’s like I’m not even that same person anymore.

It feels like I’ve just been thrown into this new surreal life, right in the middle of everything.  For some reason, it doesn’t feel like I’ve been here all along.  That probably doesn’t make sense.
I first recall starting to feel this way the moment Nathan proposed.  He was staring at me with this ring in his hand, and I honestly didn’t know what to do.  All of a sudden, everything had changed.  It was as though God had plucked me from all of my familiar surroundings and dropped me in this foreign setting where a man who adored me was asking to be with me forever. 

Everything had changed.  My relationship with Nathan was forever changed somehow.  Everything is different and I’m not sure how or why, but it is.  It’s not necessarily a good different or a bad different, but it is worth noting that it is very much not the same.  Now, for whatever reason, it’s acceptable to publicly discuss what we might name future children or when to visit out-of-state relatives.  My family seems more accepting of his being around “since he’s going to be family, after all.”  My to-do list has grown a mile-and-a-half long, and out of nowhere, I have no spending money.  And it’s odd.  I always assumed that I would have to ditch my spendthrift habits when I got married, but I forgot that you have to save money before that too or you can’t afford to get married in the first place!  So, from this point on, I will likely not ever have money again until Nathan and I can retire!

So, yes, I’m scared out of my mind.  I don’t know where the years have gone (although I can account for several of them), and I’ve always relied on some amount of consistency to stay sane and…well…everything kind of changed at once, which means I can’t come up with much that has stayed consistent.  I’ve been subconsciously freaking out about this to the point that when I tried to describe this concept to a friend of mine, it came across that I was basically doubting the entire Plan God had for me – like maybe I thought I was just making stuff up, or missing His messages, or not doing it good enough – and it was overwhelming.

But yes, I’m attributing all that Spiritual confusion to the overall confusion my everything has gone through since this proposal.

I don’t want this to come across like I regret accepting the proposal.  This is something he and I have both been praying about for a really long time, and I can list a number of logical reasons why he should be my husband and the father of my future children.  So that there is no misunderstanding, I am blessed to be able to spend the rest of my life with Nathan.

So…what now?

Well, I’m focusing on becoming Mrs. Right.  And because I hate change so very much, that’s going to be a lot harder for me than I anticipated when I started this blog.  So, I’m going to start it slow.

Step 1: Overcoming Fear

The Bible tells us “Be not afraid,” and that’s actually one of the things I’m worst at.  I’m a “worry wart” – ask anyone.  But when we trust in the Lord, there is no reason to fear.  If the Good Lord brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

And that’s what I’m working on.  By rooting myself more firmly in my Faith, I’m hoping God will pull me through this haze and prepare Nathan and me for a life that will glorify Him.

Stay tuned.

Engagement Ring!!!

  I finally got my ring back today.  You know, I waited 3 years for that ring and considered myself a pretty patient person, but once the ring's been on my finger??  Oh no, Kay Jeweler's needed to get me that thing back ASAP because I was missing it like CRAZY!!  I was bugging Nathan at least once a day: "It's my ring and I want it NOW!!"

Well, I got it back today, and I am a very happy camper!

Then there was this whole other issue to resolve called, "what to do with my purity ring"...
"Are you going to wear them together?" people asked.
To be honest, I was a little worried about it looking funny because the purity ring is sterling silver and the engagement ring is white gold and the purity ring looks so humble next to it.

And that's when it hit me that my purity ring SHOULD look humble next to my engagement ring.  Purity isn't something flashy that's used to capture everybody's attention.  It's this great little secret I've kept for years, waiting for the man I would one day call my husband.  Well, I've found him, but we've still got some waiting left to do.
A couple people have suggested I move the purity ring to my other hand to "make room" for the engagement ring -- but see, that's not how it works.  No, that purity ring is hanging around for another three years.
Nathan and I have both been waiting and saving ourselves for that one person we would spend the rest of our lives with.  And I am so excited about that.

And you know what else?  I think my engagement ring and my purity ring look quite charming next to each other.


Wait for Me -- Rebecca St. James