Talk to Me

If you know me at all -- even if you've just kind of breezed in and out of my life briefly -- then you know I'm not this really open person.  I'm not going to tell you what's going on in my life, in my head, in my heart, unless I really trust you.  And if you know me at all, you know I'm really not the "trusting" type.  I'm working on that, but that's for another day.  If you do think that I tell you everything in my life, head, and heart, then you're either one of very few -- and if you are, there should be no question, you'll know -- or I have you fooled, but that's fine too.
Anyway, I don't talk to people.  And as of late, I've realized more and more how that trickled down into my relationships -- yes, even with the man I'm going to be marrying.  I know, it's sad, we should've dealt with communication problems a long time ago, but I never really thought they were "problems" so much as "hindrances"....which I now realize is another word for "problems."
Okay, so basically I've been ignoring the whole situation.  Bad, bad, bad.
Because, if you know me at all, you know that when somebody upsets me, I shut myself in my room and go to sleep and don't ever address the issue -- which is a lousy, LOUSY habit -- not to mention, it left Nathan terribly confused about whether "I'm fine" meant I was really fine or that something was wrong.  Poor guy.
But my point in all this, is I found this book that is rocking my world right now, and I think it's a great thing for all engaged couples -- especially ones like me and Nathan who've got lots of time before the big day.  It's called 1,001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married.

 And I know, it sounds super intimidating, but when you skip the questions that don't apply to you, it's really no where NEAR 1,000 questions (example: most of us can skip the chapter on "if you're marrying a celebrity" -- it was funny to read though).
It starts with questions about your parents marriage, your childhood, growing up -- and it really lays the groundwork for what EACH OF YOU want out of marriage, what you're expecting it to be.  And when you're answering the questions separately (we bought each other notebooks and have kept all of our answers recorded) you get the honest view from the other person.  Just when you think you've got a person all figured out, there's still SO much left to know!  And one chapter flows into another SO EASY that you almost don't notice when the topic of conversation shifts from your parents' marriage to your own!
Now that Nathan and I have knocked down all the walls that "protected" us from "uncomfortable conversation," it's brought us to a whole new world of comfort and openness -- not to mention we've recognized that we want a lot of the same things for our future (not all, but at least we're talking about it).
I'm super excited that Nathan and I get to work on these things now, a couple years before the fact.  It seems like everywhere I turn, somebody's marriage is failing -- sometimes even people that I would have SWORN were in it for the long haul.  I don't want that.  And we're working to address everyone else's issues in our own relationship before it's too late.